Long time, No Post

Wow! It is crazy to think a whole year has gone by with zero posts for 2018 and we are already into the 3rd month of 2019. 

So what happened to 2018? 

My daughter successfully completed her Sophmore year of HS, yay! (And is now about to finish her Junior year, but I digress.) It really was a very busy school year with plays, concerts, and games, oh my. I, on the other hand, don't recall much for myself except my health was up and down as usual. I think I went back to physical therapy for a short while in the spring, the whole year really is just a blur for me. Oh I do recall attempting to go on regular walks but that ended with the winter weather, it was definitely nice while it lasted. In October I did start playing on the Xbox One a lot, really I do love video games and it is easy to play all day especially in the winter months when you don't feel great and are not much up to do anything really physical. Chronic Fatigue/Fibromyalgia/Depression etc... all were kicking my butt big time. Also, I probably was still processing my mother's loss and other stressors in my life. 

As I am sure I have mentioned before, stress and my body do not mix at all. It virtually tries to shut down, be it physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual stress, my body treats it all the same. So I have been working with my counselor and doctor on ways to reduce or manage stress and health issues. I can say 2018 has been a year where I have seriously reflected on my overall health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual). I really do hate feeling so helpless and literally having no energy for basic life stuff let alone going out to do the things I use to enjoy. 

2018 wasn't a total stressful year, now that I think about it, last summer was pretty amazing. I had found a new supplement that really helped with my energy level. Church camp was awesome and we also did a lot throughout the summer with VBS, Praise in the Park, Parades, and just enjoying this beautiful small city I live in. I posted quite a bit to Instagram perhaps that is why I did not feel the need to sit and type up posts here. I'll have to look to see if I can link the account or share the content somehow. I love taking pictures so Instagram has been a great way to share my life via pictures.

Well, now I have lost my train of thought yet again, which is no surprise, lol. 

So why am I writing a post after all this time? I feel that I am truly about to start a new chapter in my life and I feel the need to share and document my journey. Which in some ways I have been doing although my posts have been sporadic, it still has helped me to stop and reflect on my life, in the hopes I will learn and grow through the process. Sometimes it has felt like I take 10 steps back and only 3 steps forward, but after re-reading my posts I can see how I have learned and grown. God really has been working with me, even though there were times I felt alone and frustrated, I can really see the progress I have made and see the wonderful support of family and friends that have surrounded me through my ups and downs. 

I will try to keep with the posts and see about linking my Instagram, but I will wrap up this long overdue post for now. Thank you for reading this far and thank you, everyone, for just being there, sending prayers and good thoughts I really do appreciate all of you. And most importantly: 

Thank you, Jesus, for your patience, mercy, hope, and love, I give you all glory and praise, In Jesus name, Amen!

~RMM

There's a snake in my boot!

Without going into too much detail, the last few weeks have been extremely difficult one way or another. Things have definitely been sneaking up to bite me in the foot, bum, and every where! I know this is mosquito season but c'mon!

Truly though the bites I am referring to are figurative ones. I am ashamed to say I have acted very poorly and will leave it at that. I do not want to start cycling into negative thought patterns, I do that enough already without realizing. So yup I stuck my foot in my boot without looking and found a snake, ouch!

Now l am blogging, hopefully not butchering metaphors and probably making very little sense.

Don't worry I have since been to my counselor and more importantly church. Just trying to process and gain some clarity.

I may not have control over certain things but I can help what I stay focused on. If I let my mind wander away from the positive things and away from God, that's when things get really bad. It just takes that one second to spin out of control, which is something I am learning. Also, knowing what your suppose to be doing and actually being able to do it, are two very different things.

Yes I do have physical, emotional, & mental health conditions I have to learn how to cope & manage with, it's when I let it get to me and stray from God that things become unbearable.

Now, I am getting ready for church camp this week, it is very much needed! I do not want to miss what God has planned.  I know there will be a lot of learning, growing, & blessings waiting this Fourth of July weekend. I do hope all of you have a safe and blessed week, Happy 4th!

God Bless!

~Ryan (RMM)

Thank you Jesus for your mercy and understanding, I love you and do not want to fall short in this race, and Lord help me to endure and give me the strength and rest I need to continue on. In Jesus name Amen!

The Good, Bad and the Ugly?

Greetings!

So here I am again, what, almost a month later! Yeah, the whole one blog a week is going to need some work, lol. 

So to keep with the theme of the this post's title, whats good?

A lot can happen in one month! 

The good news, I have been back in my apartment since May 19th, yay! My physical therapy for my back and leg has been doing really great, I no longer need a cane to walk (unless I have a to be on my feet for a really long time). My daughter is doing good and about to begin practises for her next play that will be in May, (I will do a post for fam & friends for that). The weather has been nice, in fact we had several days it was really warm, meaning it was in the 50's f, woo hoo! That is a heat wave for this time of year in Alaska, the snow is gone! Well almost, lol, we do have a few "snirt" piles that need to get melted away. (Snirt= snow+dirt) hmm what else? 

Oh wow, I almost forgot! We have had some great services at church were the Spirit was moving, always awesome! Resurrection was wonderful as always. :) (Resurrection=Easter, I will have to do a separate post on why we do not call it Easter, anymore.) ;)

Lets see, oh I got to see two really good movies, one was a new release rental, the other was at the theater. So I will start off with the theater one first: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, lets just say WOW, great show to see in the theater and yay Wonder Woman! Now for the new release rental: War Room, this is a christian film and DOUBLE WOW! This film was really awesome and really an inspirational film for anyone. I do have more to say about both films, but that is a whole other post all together. ;) 

Now for the bad...

Bad news, is that well life can be really difficult and challenging at times. I originally thought about "whining" about some of the things I am dealing with and well I have had some time to think and pray on it and decided not to "whine" but instead find a way I can give God praise and glory. 

To sum it up I am currently dealing with a situation I have dealt with before, although I will admit the first time I did not deal with it well at all. So, now this is my 2nd trial of this nature, my first "natural" reaction was the same as the last time, although I held my composure much better this time round. However it still bothered me and I was starting to let it get to me. That's when I began to pray, really that is where the battle belongs anyway, right? 

"With God ALL things are Possible," Matthew 19:26. 

Then it hit me or more so a reminder that, if you do not take your problems to God through prayer, trust, faith, and belief, you are not 'with' Him. I trust and believe all things are Possible with God, so I am going to pray and "prepare my field for rain in the drought," (another great reminder on trust). ;) 

These are all things I have been and need to work on so to end this post, there is no "Ugly." 

Life with God is great, more than great it is awesome! It does not mean that difficult things are not going to happen, but with the "right tools" in our belt and stepping back to get God's perspective and really let Him lead you to what you need to do so His perfect will is working in your life. 

You know things will work out for your good in the end, "for those who love God." Romans 8:28 And how do we show that love? "If you love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15 There are several scriptures that ask us to pray, have trust, faith, belief and of course love. In Jesus Name Amen!

~Ryan (RMM) ;)

Into The New Year

It is 7 days into the new year and already a lot of changes are going on. Since I have not been writing as I intended to last year, I figure better to start out the new year with my first "real" blog.

Now where to start, I should probably give you a little background on who I am. I will eventually put up an about me tab, but until then let me introduce myself. Hi my name is Ryan and yes I am a girl with a guys name, well not so much a girl as a grown woman, lol. Believe me, I still get odd looks and the worst is the mail addressed to Mr. especially if it is senior mail. That is a double hitter, not only calling me a guy but old, as in 65+! I have a good 30 yrs before you can put me in the senior category and well I like being a woman, thank you very much. 

Okay, I have said my peace now onto more about me. You would think that most woman would like to talk about themselves well I am actually really shy, though you would never guess that in person. I am a single mother of a beautiful 12yr old daughter, who keeps me on my toes, I am sure you will be hearing about her at some point. Some of the things I love to do are being active, reading, writing, music, going to church, and well being a mom. I also suffer from chronic depression, ptsd, and anxiety, along with some physical chronic conditions, I will get more into that later on. With that said, I will say that most of the things I love to do, I have a hard time doing, which well is depressing in and of it's own. 

To help fight that battle I have started on a journey to get well, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I have a long road ahead of me, and I have already traveled some of it, but still I have a lot further to go,

Writing this blog is more of a personal challenge to myself, to get things out and to talk and discuss the topics I enjoy or find interesting, to help me along my journey, and maybe even help others and have a few good laughs along the way. I will probably be writing a lot on health and wellness, being a christian, parenting, and poetry. I have a lot more interests but those are my lifelong passions. My goal is to try and minimize the impact my conditions have on my life, so I can start doing and enjoying the things I love to do once more.

Well I think for an introductory blog that wasn't soo bad, as I write more I will get the hang of it! Now to tie in my opening statement, 7 days into a brand new year and a lot of changes are going on. I am dedicating time to write a blog, I have been "resigned" from work till my health returns, I have a new Ninja blender, that I am really excited about, and my daugher is going to be in her first real play, (ya know the kind you pay tickets for!) and well as sad as I am not to be working, I feel a big stress has been lifted. I really need this time to focus on my well being and I don't want to waste it at all!

So thank you for reading my first "real" blog, cheers! God Bless You and Happy New Year!