The ups and downs of the last 6 months...

Hello again,

Yes I know its been a little over 6 months since my last post here, though if you follow my instagram you will get regular postings. Though not as personal. 😂

So what's been going on since March, a whole lot, that's what! 

My daughter completed her Junior yr in HS, won 2nd place at her HS end of year talent show and (drum roll please) she made it into All National Honor Ensemble Choir, (NAfME ANHE) which is happening in about two weeks, that's just crazy, huh! 

We found out she made it in mid June, so since then she has been working hard to get all the i's dotted and t's crossed, jump thru hoops, etc... So she can actually go and thank you Jesus, she got everything needed done and turned in and a huge blessing is I also get to go with her. Did I mention it is in Florida and only two HS students from Alaska will be going (my daughter being one if them), very proud mama here. I am so thankful to Jesus for giving her this opportunity, truly all glory and praise goes to Him. 

Well as you can imagine it has been busy here, especially with my daughters Senior year started and getting everything ready for Nationals, plus just the normal stuff that needs to get done day to day.

The ups and downs of the last 6 months... 

I am happy to report more up's than downs. Yay! My diet changes have really helped and so has my new medication. I have lost close to 40lbs (woot, woot) and I am continuing working on being more active and engaged in life. I am still not where I would like to be (so that would be a down), however I am a lot closer to my goals than I was 6 months ago, ( a huge up). I would like to seriously get a job after getting home from Florida. I hope I do not need to much of a down time as it is only getting busier from here on out, with the holiday seasons, school plays and All State just weeks after we get back. 

Since the changes I have made I have more energy and less down times, so I have been slowly conditioning myself for more activity. Which for the most part I am able to do more and have the motivation to work on more. I still catch colds easily and it takes forever to recover (the last one was about a month long!) So working on my immunity is a top on my list as one cold can set me back and derail my goals. 

Its just one day at a time, and not beating myself up if I need some extra time to get my goals done. I trust God has me right were I need to be and will continue guiding and helping me along the way. He has never failed me yet, I just need to remember not to tie His hands and let Him do the steering. Amen!

I am excited about going to Florida with my daughter. I have never been to the east coast and I have family there I haven't seen in years so I am hoping I get to have a nice albeit a short visit with them. So this next two weeks is just getting everything ready for our trip. 

Halloween is also happening the weekend before we leave so that should be fun, I always love dressing up and seeing what fun and scary oitfits the kiddos have on when handing out treats. 🎃

So I pray everyone has a safe holiday and I will do my best to post how All Nationals and Florida went sooner than later, like within the month, 😂. 

Thank you for reading!

God Bless!

~RMM

p.s. I typed this post up on my phone instead of my laptop, so I hope the format turns out okay. :) 

 

Long time, No Post

Wow! It is crazy to think a whole year has gone by with zero posts for 2018 and we are already into the 3rd month of 2019. 

So what happened to 2018? 

My daughter successfully completed her Sophmore year of HS, yay! (And is now about to finish her Junior year, but I digress.) It really was a very busy school year with plays, concerts, and games, oh my. I, on the other hand, don't recall much for myself except my health was up and down as usual. I think I went back to physical therapy for a short while in the spring, the whole year really is just a blur for me. Oh I do recall attempting to go on regular walks but that ended with the winter weather, it was definitely nice while it lasted. In October I did start playing on the Xbox One a lot, really I do love video games and it is easy to play all day especially in the winter months when you don't feel great and are not much up to do anything really physical. Chronic Fatigue/Fibromyalgia/Depression etc... all were kicking my butt big time. Also, I probably was still processing my mother's loss and other stressors in my life. 

As I am sure I have mentioned before, stress and my body do not mix at all. It virtually tries to shut down, be it physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual stress, my body treats it all the same. So I have been working with my counselor and doctor on ways to reduce or manage stress and health issues. I can say 2018 has been a year where I have seriously reflected on my overall health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual). I really do hate feeling so helpless and literally having no energy for basic life stuff let alone going out to do the things I use to enjoy. 

2018 wasn't a total stressful year, now that I think about it, last summer was pretty amazing. I had found a new supplement that really helped with my energy level. Church camp was awesome and we also did a lot throughout the summer with VBS, Praise in the Park, Parades, and just enjoying this beautiful small city I live in. I posted quite a bit to Instagram perhaps that is why I did not feel the need to sit and type up posts here. I'll have to look to see if I can link the account or share the content somehow. I love taking pictures so Instagram has been a great way to share my life via pictures.

Well, now I have lost my train of thought yet again, which is no surprise, lol. 

So why am I writing a post after all this time? I feel that I am truly about to start a new chapter in my life and I feel the need to share and document my journey. Which in some ways I have been doing although my posts have been sporadic, it still has helped me to stop and reflect on my life, in the hopes I will learn and grow through the process. Sometimes it has felt like I take 10 steps back and only 3 steps forward, but after re-reading my posts I can see how I have learned and grown. God really has been working with me, even though there were times I felt alone and frustrated, I can really see the progress I have made and see the wonderful support of family and friends that have surrounded me through my ups and downs. 

I will try to keep with the posts and see about linking my Instagram, but I will wrap up this long overdue post for now. Thank you for reading this far and thank you, everyone, for just being there, sending prayers and good thoughts I really do appreciate all of you. And most importantly: 

Thank you, Jesus, for your patience, mercy, hope, and love, I give you all glory and praise, In Jesus name, Amen!

~RMM

I Am Hollow

"I Am Hollow"

I am hollow
without my faith.
Only a mere shadow
of the potential,
lost among the crowd.
Many times in my life
I have forgotten,
I have let faith slip through my hands.
Only tendrils of mist
linger on my fingertips.
Without enough morning dew
to quench a dry lip,
let alone a dehydrated soul.
~RMM 2016

* This poem describes why my faith is so important to me and why I never want my cup to run dry. Thank you Jesus for all that you do in my life.

September Ends

Hello Again!

As September draws to a close the days are definitely getting colder. Frost welcomes us in the morning and last Friday we had a very crazy hail storm, not to mention I can’t seem to get warm throughout the day. Time to pull out the warm leggings to wear under everything before I freeze! In all, it really has been a long month.

The highlight of the month had to be my daughter having her first Homecoming. It was so much fun helping her pick out a dress and get ready for the dance. She looked absolutely amazing! One of her friends hosted a dinner for a group of us, the moms and daughters, so we could all help the girls before they left for the dance. Of course we had a photo shoot once they were all ready. I heard one of her friends whisper, “she looks like a goddess,” when we were taking photos; her dress was white and with her dark complexion it really stood out. Such a beautiful young lady, I was the proud mama that day!

The toughest part of the month was when public assistance was way behind on their renewal process which left us without medical or food benefits for the first half of the month, (talk about anxiety). As a result I ended up close to a month of being without my thyroid medicine, I felt like a sloth! The whole thing was a real headache, after calling and leaving messages I finally had to go down to see them which took two days. The first day was so packed that they were turning people away and this was before noon! So I went back the next day early in the morning and was able to get an appointment the same day and three hours later I found out the reason why there was no renewal was that they were still processing papers from July!  

The whole thing reminded me of the scene from Zootopia, the sloths working at the DMV, the irony; I can laugh about it now, but I was getting really stressed out for a while, lol. Another big thing happened is that I finally received my disability packet forms to fill out which had a two week time frame, I was able to get an extra two week extension and got them finished with a week to spare, (woohoo!). If you know me, you would know certain paperwork causes me a lot of anxiety, and yup this packet was one of those kinds, so I feel pretty accomplished that I finished it up before the deadline. Though I will admit I could not even start on the packet until I got the whole public assistances worked out, basic needs always come first. Though my anxiety and mood was touch and go at points, God is right there. I am so grateful and thankful to my Lord Jesus, I know He is always ready to help hold me up when I need it. In Jesus name Amen! 

Phew! I am glad this month is almost at a close. My next hurdles are housing and getting back into physical therapy. Oh and I am looking forward to Halloween! Really I think I am just a big kid at heart, who doesn’t like dressing up and getting free candy? I also enjoy a good scary movie, not the gross gory kind or the ones that leave you with a bad feeling in the spirit, but the kind that can give you a good jump scare  and maybe a small case of heebie jeebies that you can laugh about later. Does anyone have any good scary or suspenseful movie recommendations or even any good books?

Okay so on that note I will say goodbye, 

Take care & God Bless!

~Ryan (RMM)

***Here is a nice clip for you to enjoy and if you have not watch the full movie I highly recomend it!

There's a snake in my boot!

Without going into too much detail, the last few weeks have been extremely difficult one way or another. Things have definitely been sneaking up to bite me in the foot, bum, and every where! I know this is mosquito season but c'mon!

Truly though the bites I am referring to are figurative ones. I am ashamed to say I have acted very poorly and will leave it at that. I do not want to start cycling into negative thought patterns, I do that enough already without realizing. So yup I stuck my foot in my boot without looking and found a snake, ouch!

Now l am blogging, hopefully not butchering metaphors and probably making very little sense.

Don't worry I have since been to my counselor and more importantly church. Just trying to process and gain some clarity.

I may not have control over certain things but I can help what I stay focused on. If I let my mind wander away from the positive things and away from God, that's when things get really bad. It just takes that one second to spin out of control, which is something I am learning. Also, knowing what your suppose to be doing and actually being able to do it, are two very different things.

Yes I do have physical, emotional, & mental health conditions I have to learn how to cope & manage with, it's when I let it get to me and stray from God that things become unbearable.

Now, I am getting ready for church camp this week, it is very much needed! I do not want to miss what God has planned.  I know there will be a lot of learning, growing, & blessings waiting this Fourth of July weekend. I do hope all of you have a safe and blessed week, Happy 4th!

God Bless!

~Ryan (RMM)

Thank you Jesus for your mercy and understanding, I love you and do not want to fall short in this race, and Lord help me to endure and give me the strength and rest I need to continue on. In Jesus name Amen!

Be Strong

Hello Again!

So it looks like I am on the trend of one blog per month, ouch! No wonder there are no followers, can't follow something that is not there! 

I have no clue as to what to write, I did start a post on internet slang and decorum, or more so the lack of it in some areas. After reading I decided to hang that one up and safe to drafts, chalk it up as a good writing excercise as it was more of an essay read. Who knows I may go back and refine it a bit before posting at a different time. For now I will try to keep this post short as I can already tell without a set topic I am just going to keep rambling on. I suppose I can give an update on the status of my back.

Physical therapy is working great, I have not needed a cane in a few weeks, my leg is much stronger, I am able to go for small walks and use the stairs. I am still working on strengthing and endurance, I still can not do a squat or kneel without help or intense pain, but overall the general pain level has gone down and the daily excercises I am suppose to do at home (when I remember), really do help. In fact, tomorrow I get to see the Dr. about my leg again. I am sure he will say the same as he has for the last two visits, which is to keep up the physical therapy and see me in 2-3weeks, call the office if things get worse. Surgery is of course still recommended but they want to hold off to see how much I can improve with physical therapy alone. 

Now for this next stage in my physical therapy they are attempting to ween me off of traction (aka the Rack) and have me doing more of a workout in the gym area. I am not sure how well this will work out. The excercise part is all good and I don't mind it feels good to be back in the gym of sorts, but really it has been the traction that has helped soo much with the pinched nerve. I went for a whole 2 1/2 weeks with no traction and just regular physical therapy when I started having the pinched nerve pain again. It wasn't as bad as it was orginally but it was definetly the precursor pain I felt before it got really bad. I tried all the home excercises and nothing worked, cold and hot packs, not even the pain meds where helping. It got so I could not even do the home excercises and I almost pulled out my cane to help me. One of my PT appointments had gotten canceled because of some mix up so by the time I got into PT a whole week had gone by with the pain getting worse. So we will see how long I can go from needing traction again. For now I am just thankful for the progress I have made and will keep doing my best to keep my mind on God. I know all things are possible with Him.

In the mean time, the weather has been great and I need to remember to ALWAYS wear sunblock, I burn to easily and it truly drains me. I went for a small walk out in the sun just this last Friday and did not think of putting on sunblock, yes I got a small burn that made me exhausted. I pretty much fell asleep not long after I got home that day and then slept my whole Saturday away. The good news is that I finally made it to Sunday School this last Sunday but did not quite make it to the evening service. I will try again for next Sunday for both services.

Oh, this Wednesday is the last of school for my daughter then summer vacation starts, she also has a play comming up the last weekend of May and the first weekend of June. So she will still be busy as these last two weeks before the play are pretty hectic. The play is "Little Women," I have yet been able to attend any of the play practices so I am really looking forward to going to the show.

I will keep up with my walking, remembering to wear sunblock, my goal is to get a short walk in everyday and gradually make my walks longer. Right now I am good every 1 to 2 days for about a 10-15min walk, plus I do my daily exercises and go to PT 2-3x a week. It would be great to have a 20-30min daily walk even if I have to break the walk up to two 10's or two 15's that would be a huge progress! I have no clue the distance I walk, I am just focusing on time right now but will try to keep track of how far I can go, but for now my walking is slow to moderate so I do not get far in 10-15mins. The idea is the longer I can walk eventually the faster I will be able to go, especially the stronger I get.

Well that is all I will write this time round, I will try to break the one blog a month, thanks for reading!

God Bless and Take Care!

~Ryan (RMM)

The Good, Bad and the Ugly?

Greetings!

So here I am again, what, almost a month later! Yeah, the whole one blog a week is going to need some work, lol. 

So to keep with the theme of the this post's title, whats good?

A lot can happen in one month! 

The good news, I have been back in my apartment since May 19th, yay! My physical therapy for my back and leg has been doing really great, I no longer need a cane to walk (unless I have a to be on my feet for a really long time). My daughter is doing good and about to begin practises for her next play that will be in May, (I will do a post for fam & friends for that). The weather has been nice, in fact we had several days it was really warm, meaning it was in the 50's f, woo hoo! That is a heat wave for this time of year in Alaska, the snow is gone! Well almost, lol, we do have a few "snirt" piles that need to get melted away. (Snirt= snow+dirt) hmm what else? 

Oh wow, I almost forgot! We have had some great services at church were the Spirit was moving, always awesome! Resurrection was wonderful as always. :) (Resurrection=Easter, I will have to do a separate post on why we do not call it Easter, anymore.) ;)

Lets see, oh I got to see two really good movies, one was a new release rental, the other was at the theater. So I will start off with the theater one first: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, lets just say WOW, great show to see in the theater and yay Wonder Woman! Now for the new release rental: War Room, this is a christian film and DOUBLE WOW! This film was really awesome and really an inspirational film for anyone. I do have more to say about both films, but that is a whole other post all together. ;) 

Now for the bad...

Bad news, is that well life can be really difficult and challenging at times. I originally thought about "whining" about some of the things I am dealing with and well I have had some time to think and pray on it and decided not to "whine" but instead find a way I can give God praise and glory. 

To sum it up I am currently dealing with a situation I have dealt with before, although I will admit the first time I did not deal with it well at all. So, now this is my 2nd trial of this nature, my first "natural" reaction was the same as the last time, although I held my composure much better this time round. However it still bothered me and I was starting to let it get to me. That's when I began to pray, really that is where the battle belongs anyway, right? 

"With God ALL things are Possible," Matthew 19:26. 

Then it hit me or more so a reminder that, if you do not take your problems to God through prayer, trust, faith, and belief, you are not 'with' Him. I trust and believe all things are Possible with God, so I am going to pray and "prepare my field for rain in the drought," (another great reminder on trust). ;) 

These are all things I have been and need to work on so to end this post, there is no "Ugly." 

Life with God is great, more than great it is awesome! It does not mean that difficult things are not going to happen, but with the "right tools" in our belt and stepping back to get God's perspective and really let Him lead you to what you need to do so His perfect will is working in your life. 

You know things will work out for your good in the end, "for those who love God." Romans 8:28 And how do we show that love? "If you love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15 There are several scriptures that ask us to pray, have trust, faith, belief and of course love. In Jesus Name Amen!

~Ryan (RMM) ;)

Truth

I
know 
what 
I 
thought 
was 
true 
but 
too 
many 
lies 
were 
woven 
through;
Until 
mine 
eyes 
were 
open 
to 
the 
Glory 
of 
God 
my 
soul 
renewed ©
 ~RMM
  

**This is the new version of the poem I have posted next to my name in the "about me" section. I have tried to edit and put the new poem in but as of yet have not found a way to do that since everything switched over. =? 


Anyhoo here is a little more info about the poem:

This is called a one liner poem, it was orginally written in 1994/95 and was published in the "Yo Words", a literary magazine in Seattle, for a poetry contest based in the school district at that time. I revised the poem in 2011, after moving to Alaska, when I was first baptized in Jesus name, then not a month later was infilled with the Holy Ghost, just like in Acts 2:38 KJV! Thank you and praise Jesus, for that wonderful Spirit of Truth!

ER Trips and More, Oh Boy!

Hello Again! It has been a long while again since last I wrote. My goal of wanting to at least get one blog out a week is so far a fail! :( Oh well, there is always next week, maybe, just maybe I will get another blog out on time! Did I mention I started this blog last week!! I did get quite a bit typed up before I got distracted with yet another medical issue, I was already into the second paragraph on Feb. 15th. So really, the couple weeks I mention below, are now a few weeks pushing to one month! @_@

Anyhoo I digress! 

It has been a looooooooong (and I really emphasize those o's in long!) couple of weeks! Everything just seems to be happening so fast, that I even haven't had a moment to catch my breath and contemplate on whats going on. So let me go back to when it started. I am always told it is best to start at the beginning of things. I just hope you don't mind getting comfortable and taking a moment to read my story, (you may want to get some coffee or your choice of warm/comforting beverage, take a bathroom break, etc.) this may take awhile. I am a McKay after all, I know we are known for being loud talkers, but erm, we can also be long winded, we do like a good story after all. ;)

Monday February 15th:

Started off like any normal Monday, helped Rowan out the door for school (which is always a madness rush, despite even early wake ups, lol) and then I started my day. Coffee, bagel (sometimes it's oatmeal), yogurt (greek of course), sometimes I will grab some fruit too, then I get my medicine (which includes Vitamin D & a Multi, *pats self on back*), sit down in a comfy spot and hop online. This is when if I remember, turn on my "daylight" lamp and keep it on for a minimum of 15mins, it really does help! 

Anyhoo, since my leg has been out of it, (I got a gimp leg), not to mention my "other" heath issues, that is about as much as I can do right now. I do get up and move around my apartment so I am not just sitting in one place for too long. I also try to get a few housework things done in between, like dishes or vacuuming, (nice light & easy things). There are other things I like to do, for example; read, write, study my bible, watch shows, etc. (I even play video games & help moderate an anime chatroom! Yerp, the cat is out of the bag, though it isn't a secret I do talk about it, a lot. lol)! 

Really I just spend a lot of time online right now. Some days I have appointments to get ready for and well before that first ER trip, when I was allowed to drive, (pre-medicated) I would get out and try to DO stuff and see/visit with people on "good" days, which includes all the fun church activities, (I really do miss too many services and events). :( 

Really who likes to be couped up in an empty apartment ALL day every day, esp. in the winter when it is just hard anyway! Not to mention, HELLO I live in ALASKA- it is sooo gorgeous here!! A nice walk to the Kenai River (even in winter!) is just soo wonderful, just don't forget the camera! I miss that a lot! A short drive when it's too icy to walk, *sigh*. Yeah, gonna have to work on that! 

Okay I am digressing again, continue on Monday Feb. 15th...

So you get the idea of how a typical day is for me, with a gimp leg. I already had one trip to the ER, so now we are going to fast forward to later that evening on Feb. 15th, to around 9pm-ish:

Everything was going great, it had been a good day! My daughter was just done getting ready for bed and was about to join me on the couch so we could watch a short show before bed and have some, "Mom & Daughter Time." Sounds good right? Well that is when my leg started to spasm, but this time way worse then I had ever felt before. It felt like I had a hamstring in my thigh and a really bad charlie horse in my calf, the tightening and burning sensation was very scary, at one point it felt like liquid lava was dripping down my leg! I was literally in tears with the pain and how it just came all of a sudden was frightening, I did not want to mess around with this and just had my daughter call 911. I had no idea what was going on and really the pain felt very similar to how they describe a blood clot in the leg. In fact that is what the EMT's were worried about when they finally arrived and after listening to me describe the pain and showing them where it was hurting. 

Okay now to paint the picture of the EMT's arriving, our first responders were not the actual ambulance EMT's, but they got my vitals down and made sure I was not in any immediate danger- it helped me to keep calm while I was in pain. So I was able to direct my daughter on what to put in a bag to bring along to the hospital. She stayed very calm and cool through the whole thing, though I could tell she was worried about her mom. 

I was in a lot of pain, looked a mess, was in a pair of sweat pants, and t-shirt (all ready for bed, so no bra, yes embarrassing!) Not to mention I had not showered for a few days because of my gimp leg and not being able to stand for long. So I am sure I was a sight to behold and probably smell(?), (and of course ALL of the EMT's were young/ish cute guys!) Hahaha... isn't that how it works out, but I will say they were all so nice and really did a great job! Because of the stairs, ice outside, and not much room in the parking lot for the ambulance, I got to get strapped into this weird looking chair with wheels. I rode down the stairs all strapped in, they had me cross my arms and hold onto the straps, it was kinda like a roller coaster ride, but not nearly as fun. In fact, I felt a bit green around the gills and each bump sent another shock of pain through my leg and lower back. Not a ride I care to experience again! @_@ 

Our sidewalk is also very uneven and there is no outside light for the building, (really bad planing and an easy fix on the landlords part, okay that is a whole other blog post!) So that was yet another bumpy part of the ride, by this time I had to cough really bad. Oh I forgot to mention, I just had finished my antibiotics the day before for my bronchitis. (Yes, in between the two ER visits my daughter and I both had bronchitis, she had it first for one week then it was my turn, just lovely!) My cough sent more pain to my lower back and left leg and of course was full of phlegm, (gross huh?) Anyways I went to spit off to the side and complete fail... huge loogie on my favorite sweat jacket, on my left shoulder. (Just when I thought I couldn't look worse or be more disgusting, right?) I had to ask the EMT if they had a paper towel to clean up the loogie! They got me switched over to the gurney and into the ambulance  and they got my shoulder all cleaned up. (BTW, our first ambulance ride, EVER! That was kinda cool, I guess.)  My daughter got to ride in the front while I rode in the bag strapped into the gurney with a cute EMT. Really though the song "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown," comes to mind for the whole trip. That line, "don't spit into the wind," lol, or if you can't spit that far and are strapped into a chair! (Go ahead and laugh, I did, it's okay, I am not offended, really I am not, sheesh if you can't laugh at stuff like this, what can you laugh at?) :P

(And yes I had no help with the pain during the ride, I think I made several odd comments/observations and of course puns! Hey I made the EMT laugh, though if he were laughing at me or my comments I don't know and oh well it was an adventure for sure! hahaha!)

I will say this, arriving at the ER in an ambulance you sure do get seen a whole lot faster! I don't think I have ever been seen sooo quick! lol. Though it did not make my stay at the ER any less, because I had to get some testing done and had to wait for the results before I could either be discharged or admitted to a regular room. We probably arrived at the ER around 9:30/10ish, my daughter left me around midnight, I did not get to leave till 2am. Not too bad at 4hrs and most of that time was just waiting on results, all the action happened the first two hours, when my daughter was still around.

Before my daughter got picked up, she got to see me get my blood drawn (I could not watch and a good thing too!) Apparently the guy was new and whoops blood shot out, ugh, I would have tossed my cookies for sure! Then I had to get an ultra sound on my leg, they were worried about a blood clot as well... 

So she got to see the vein's in my leg and hear the pulsing sound. She thought it was all really cool, and when the guy messed up on my arm she kept her cool and just did the smallest of inhales and that is when I felt the second poke and asked, "Is everything okay." 

His reply, "Sure, sure, we will get you all cleaned up in no time and sorry about that, I am new and still getting the hang of this fast way, it slipped and had to redo it, hope it did not hurt to much." *This is not verbatim, but how I remember it.* In his defense he was really nice and sincerely sorry about causing any extra discomfort and we both thought he was cute, (shh, my daughter will kill me when she reads/hears about this part!)

Yeah, that was the first time I had to get "cleaned" up after getting blood drawn and people wonder why I have a needle phobia? I have bad luck with needles okay!! If they always went fine I probably would be okay them, but nope not with me. Let's just say needles and I do not get along and leave it at that. =/

After the blood was drawn, I still could not look at my own blood, I dunno, just makes me woozy and he put all 5 vials on my chest!! UGH! (And Yes I said 5 or was it 6? I need to ask my daughter.) I had to tell him to grab them, I could feel that they were still warm! I had already done some drive heaving just before he came in to draw the blood. The whole down the stairs and ambulance ride along with all the pain had finally got to me once I was still and dressed into one of those fashionable gowns. Yep, I had to drive heave more after he left... yeah I was pretty dry mouth not allowed to have anything to drink yet and just feeling, yuck! On the plus side, I did not have to wait long before they gave me something for the pain, so I had just a tiny bit of water and extra tabs to help my upset tummy. =/

The result of the evening:

Good news, no blood clot! Bad news, they have no idea what is causing the pain, except the ER Dr. felt it was all due to my fragmented disc and pinched nerve, he was very concerned about that and wanted me to go in to see a surgeon about it, ASAP! He was able to stress upon me the seriousness of the matter, that for some reason had not quite sunk in yet. Which is good and brings me to my most current events for my back, which I will sum up here in just a bit. 

(Yes this is one looong blog already! I did warn you ahead of time! Sorry and thanks for staying with me this far, I will try to wrap it up quick!)

Oh I almost forgot to mention, we had to wait for someone from New Zealand to read my ultra sound, everyone was off duty for our office, in fact they had to call in the ultra sound guy from home. I know not vital news, but we thought it was kinda cool someone from New Zealand would be looking at it, since my daughter has a good friend in New Zealand, so it was just a fun kawinkydink for us!(Yes one day we would love to go visit there!)

Again with the digressing... 

Okay, I am going to try to summarize everything from Feb. 15th to right now (March 9th).

We have been staying at our good friends house, they are absolutely wonderful to put us up and give us rides!! They are our "adopted" family here in Alaska, not to mention a great Brother and Sister in God! So Huge Thanks go out to them, they know who they are! :) 

I have had several Dr. appointments over the last few weeks, one week seemed like there was something going on everyday! @_@ I met with the Surgeon twice, the first time sounded like he agreed with the ER Doc's assessment and that surgery would def. be needed. The second appointment, which was last Tuesday, he wanted me to try out physical therapy for 6wks and wait and see what was going on from there. 

Here this is a good place to tell you my current condition, which has not changed, since last Tuesday. My whole left leg is pretty much gimpy, from my hip to my knee I get a lot of that hamstring pain that sent me to the ER; from my knee down I have zero response, (that means when they take that little rubber mallet and bang your knee, it is suppose to reflex, yup? Nope not for me, it is all numb.) I occasionally get pains on the back of my calf like a charlie horse which really hurts and feels weird since the front part of my leg is completely numb. I can wiggle my toes and move my foot, but I have a very hard time lifting my leg or putting ANY weight on it at ALL. So this means- NO stair climbing. Just going up or down a couple of steps is difficult for me right now, let alone all the steps I need to go up and down just to get into my apartment and when I have to leave again, because I have appointments. Yeah, not going to work right now. 

Also, I have been dizzy/lightheaded (side effects from the meds, most likely), my balance is off, I need to walk with a cane and sometimes my whole leg will just get the circulation cut off and go dead. This usually only happens if I am sitting in a straight back chair/toilet for too long. The image of the little old lady who has fallen and can't get back up keeps popping into my head, esp. when Rowan is at school. =/ That is just an unnecessary anxiety neither of us need at this time. 

Just another reason why I need to move! Anyone know of a first floor unit w/2 bedrooms, in town close to our current location, prefer/need a washer & dryer in the unit (would be easier), and that will take our cat- the cat is not negotiable, he is my companion, part of the family and I really have been missing him, a lot!! :( Oh and that is under $800 a month? (Really, been wanting to move for awhile now, and until just this last Jan. could not afford anything above $600/month. I just know God is working on something, but I need to do all I know to do first!)

So thank you Jesus, for putting us into this church body and giving us such good friends! We have been here for them and in turn they for us, God knows what He is doing. I think that has been the coolest thing out of all of this, is really seeing God's hand at work, not just on me, but those around me and how it just ripples out like a pebble being thrown into a pond. What an awesome God we have! =) 

Alright back to the point: 

My leg is gimp, been staying with our friends since Feb. 15th (well really the 16th as of 2am) ;). I have had a ton of appointments, each one is getting me closer to a solution, like I said God is working on it. The most recent set of appointments was my EMG/NCS testing yesterday morning, which led to my first physical therapy appointment this morning. My 6wks of PT has turned into 2wks; so I may have surgery or at least get a date at that time, which is good! And of course they found I definitely had nerve damage, (duh! And no I did not say that, though I did think it). For those of you who are unfamiliar of what an EMG/NCS testing is; I have posted a link below that will tell you exactly what it is all about. 

Here is my version, pretty much it is to test the nerves. There are two test, the first one the EMG, hooks you up to little pads then zaps you, yes I spent yesterday morning having various parts of my leg being electrocuted, some were small like static shock, others were quite painful. It reminded me of the time I stuck a bobby pin in a light socket when I was, what about 3yrs old, oh I remember that very clearly. @_@ 

Now the second part of the test, NCS, involves needles, yes you read me correctly, I typed needles. I am sooo glad they did not tell me about the needles before hand, I would have given myself an anxiety attack prior to my appointment. You already know needles and I do not get along. We get along even less now, they said this was similar to acupuncture (I will NEVER try that, btw). Well these "needles" made noise and well some you only felt a small poke and it was not a big deal. Other's holy cow!! OUCH! The louder the noise it seemed the more painful, he would move the needle slightly and WOW it really hurt, I had to bite down on my shirt not to scream at some parts. At least the doctor said sorry, but would continue on poking me and the poking went from my ankle all the way up to my lower back. I am still sore. =( I was also told to watch for any irritation, swelling and general signs of infection, though it is rare, can happen. Great. :| I will now have to ask my daughter or my friend to look at my lower back to make sure it looks okay in the area he poked. 

So yup, I spent the morning not only getting electric shocks but being stuck by needles, I am really not a fan of these tests. :| However, it was needed and I made it through, I was praying the whole time and biting my shirt and yes I did yelp and scream a few times when the shock of pain took me by surprise, (the pun was intended). I am also aware I may need to take these tests again at some point in the future, really not looking forward to it, I am going to need a lot of prayer next time, because yeah, it will cause an anxiety attack if I am not prayed up. 

Now you are pretty much current, today Wednesday March 9th, (well for the next 20mins). It has been a long day, starting with helping to get my daughter out the door on time, today I rode along. She has been getting rides instead of walking to the end of the block for the bus stop in the am, very sweet of our friend! 

Anyhoo, today I rode along because I got my first PT appointment, and wow, though I was really sore, it really did help. My thigh muscle finally got stretched out! Oi! It has been so tight (hamstring) and then pressing down on my knee which then in turn would throb in pain. My knee and thigh still hurt but not nearly as bad and the exercise I was given to do every 2-3 hours, looks like it is working! We will see how I feel when I go back on Monday, the physical therapist will be out of town the rest of the week. It is nice to have a bit of a reprieve, so I can work on other things, like um lets my blog. ;) 

It is almost midnight now and I am trying to wrap up this blog post. The last two days were long, Rowan's band concert last night, (Tuesday) was a smash, tomorrow is the last day of the quarter, then Spring Break! Woot woot! So just one more day of waking up at 6/6:30am for at least one week!:) Next week, (Spring Break) I have a few more appointments to go to, but the plan is to be back into our apartment at the end of the week/weekend.

We both miss our cat, as I am sure, he misses us. I was going to start practicing stair climbing this weekend and I think if I take it slow and easy, I should be okay. Though my left side seems to be getting weaker, my mobility time has increased with time and pushing myself, thank you Jesus! I am finally off the prednisone, so no more squirrels running around in my head. I am also off ibuprofen, I had know idea it can actually prevent healing! The extra strength tylenol, along with the pain patch have been working. The gabapentin, has literally been night and day with my fibromyalgia; before it felt like my pilot light had gone out and was just out for soo long, that I just didn't have any more 'get up and go,' even with my thyroid meds, I just was so tired and out of it all the time. 

Yes, I was stubborn to try medication in general, I was afraid plain and simple. This whole back injury has been a real blessing in disguise. God knows what He is doing! I would have never tried the medication had I not been in soo much pain. I have been so grateful and thankful that I do not have to deal with the fibromyalgia along with the leg/lower back pain at the same time! It feels like I have my "mind" back; the pilot light is back on and I feel more of my physical old self than I have since I have moved to Alaska, despite my current injury. 

I say physical, because spiritually, I have been awesome, the infilling of the Holy Ghost has forever changed me for the better, thank you Jesus! The last two years, it was as if, I was pulling away from God bit by bit, but I have been really trying to draw closer to God esp. as of late. When I pray I can feel Him so strong, I just know He is working on something BIG. So before I finally wrap this blog up, I have to give my final praise and thanks to God, in Jesus name Amen! 

I am slowly on the mend, though my condition is degenerative and I may have permanent nerve damage to my left leg, I know I am in God's hands as long as I am serving Him and I know, "ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose," Romans 8:28 KJV And, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15 KJV

Thank you for taking the time to read my long story/blog. I will do my best to keep those interested updated on my condition, maybe my next blog post won't be so long. :)

~Ryan (RMM) ;)

Here is the Link:

EMG/NCS Testing WebMD

Oh, and here is a song, enjoy!

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